so im pretty sure my laptop is actually retarded

Dear Faithful Readers,

i have lately become a bit slack with the blogging, but you will survive as i am not overly interesting anyway. BUT since i know you love to laugh at my thoughts because i really am quite funny, i thought i'd write about a few things that have popped into my head tonight whilst im lying in bed lacking sleep because of the time distance. it feels like 10pm to me but its 1am. awkward. anyway. enjoy.

Love Ann-Marie

My Laptop

i am becoming increasingly annoyed with my laptop. just now, something happened and suddenly there were 68 windows opened on the SAME webpage (which happened to be my blog. i felt a bit narcissistic)

why? why does it have to frustrate me so?

the other thing that annoys me is that the screen does not work properly. i dont know why. all i know is that you have to have the laptop opened to awkward angles to make it work. and it loses its temper when you try to move it and then wont work unless you have it practically closed. it makes it quite difficult to use and kind of makes me want to throw it off a cliff.

i nearly did. i was trying to use it in the car and it wasnt working and we were driving near a cliff and the window was open and i thought, why not? but then i realised i dont think my parents would find that acceptable and probably wouldnt buy me a new one, and i dont think that situation would validate using my travellers insurance.

anyway.

My Tummy Feels Funny (that kinda rhymes).

i am a bit nervous because i arrived home from my holiday and discovered under my bed was clean and that was definitely not how i left it. i am trying to work out if the cleaning lady did it because she wanted to or if sharon saw it and told her to do it or if the cleaning lady did it and then told sharon about it. i just dont know. but it makes me nervous to my very core. i am going to be extra careful with work for the next few weeks till im sure that all is forgotten.

General Life Musings (its a long one)

have you ever looked at your life and realised that its actually just all a bit.. pointless.. i feel like, sometimes, life would not be much different if i had never existed. its not like it makes me want to kill myself because that would change things since you know, my parents would have to fork over a massive amount of money to get my corpse home, and they'd probably throw me a mad funeral since apparently they love me a bit. but it would make life difficult for them.

not to mention the whole "i wouldnt be alive anymore" thing. i quite enjoy being alive for the most part.

the point is this: there are several things i wish that i had done differently in my life.. some things that i'd change if i got to live my life all over again, but knowing what the future would be. so i thought i'd list some of them for you.

• so, i probably wouldnt have told my parents that the neighbor cut my hair when it was actually me. its not that i feel bad about the amount of trouble she got in (well not overly bad) because the girl was quite frankly the devil in a 8year olds body, but its mainly just annoying how, to this day, the incident is still bought up.
• i would make my mum take ringo to the vet sooner, since the thing on his nose turned out to be cancer and it ultimately gave him quite a slow and most likely painful death. OR if i couldnt convince the woman, it may have been nicer of me to put the poor thing down, since it cant have been fun in the later part of his life. i always feel a bit guilty when i think about how cruel it was to keep that cat alive because i was too selfish to say goodbye. thinking about that makes me cry (so yes, i am crying right now)
• i would have been a bit nicer to emily obrien in primary school. it just wasnt nice of me and gave her more ammunition against me when she decided she wanted me dead when we were 16. maybe she wouldnt have disliked me so much if i had of not been so sneakily mean to her in year 4. who knows? either way. but whatever. i also feel like if someone CLEARLY doesnt like you there is no point trying to be their friend. especially if its a whole group of people. its just annoying.
• i would have been nicer to sam gill when he got his friends to ask me out in year 6... ie i would probably let him know nicely that i was not so into him instead of just pretending he didnt exist for the rest of year 6.
• i would practise the violin properly so that i could say NOW that i was actually good at violin. instead of telling people "oh yeah, i took violin lessons for 13 years.. am i good? no not really. infact im pretty shit"
• ditto piano.
• i would have flat out refused to be in the armidale youth orchestra. i do not think that anything good came out of that. i certainly cant think of anything now
• i also would not have tried out for that fancy choir i got into but ultimately hated because all my friends quit but i wasnt allowed to since i practically signed my soul over to my mum in order to audition and then ended up being the youngest person there. by 4 years. which isnt fun when you are 10. you have nothing in common with 14 year olds.
• i would insist on doing the cultural exchange thing when i was 16 like i wanted to. because to this day its what i wished id done. probably will be forever.
• i would practise being super neat and organised from a young age so that i am not so sloppy when i grow up. being messy and unorganised is something i hate the most about myself.
• i would leave my brother and his friends alone so that i am never referred to as the annoying little sister. i also would not attempt to play football with him so there would be 2 situations. 1. i would have a normal nose OR 2. my nose would be weird but i wouldnt secretly blame my brother.
• i would not hook up with that guy. nothing came out of it. atleast with f i grew up a bit and with s i had a proper relationship. but m was just pointless and caused me too much stress. i wouldnt do it again.
• i would have kissed that guy i liked in year 10 instead of being too chicken. imagine where my life would be if i'd done that. well, it would be different. probably.
• i would have not been so nice in the whole jasmine situation and left my group of friends. it is kinda sucky not having a group of friends from high school that im still friends with. plus it made me look like a friendless loser instead of just looking nice. ALSO i would have smacked that bitch down instead of taking the "high road". it got me nowhere. i still come out looking like a bitch in this situation so it would have been nice if i could just have told her off for real and gotten it over with.
• i would have worked out more so that when i got boobs i would have been mega hot instead of just looking really fat. i also would have worn more appropriate clothes (ie clothes that fit) when i first got them instead of looking like a mad huss. i also would have shown them off a bit more in high school since apparently people just thought i was mega fat (but really? i mean are you retarded? what, just my upperbody is fat, not my legs, arms or face? i mean, come on)
• i would have made sure that jane the lesbian cat was inside with me every night that both cars were out so that she wasnt accidentally run over. i also would have been nicer to her, since she was quite a good cat.

there are more but i cant be bothered. but then i think, some of those things would have changed life forever for me. i mean, if ringo hadnt have died we probs wouldnt have gotten jane the lesbian cat because ringo would have still been there. and if id gone to america when i was 16 for a year would i have come back to be a nanny? and then i would never have met the lovely family im with now. and i wouldnt have gone on culture to culture so i would have never been friends with ashryn or amelia. and i dont know if i would have been friends with my darling naisy because c2c was where we reconnected as BFF(best friends forever!!!!!) (ha ha ha im so lame).there are other things that i say i would change that i didnt include that have similar circumstances. so while i regret many a thing, maybe its for the best. EXCEPT FOR THE ORGANISED ONE THAT ONE I DEFINITELY WOULD CHANGE!!! im trying to change it now.

well! im going to sleep now. i have a big day of sucking up to do.